Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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