whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
