walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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