I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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