I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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