forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
