I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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