i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
