Just cropdusted the office
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
