You're a womanizer and a bitch.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
