You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
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any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
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