when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
