those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
