Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
