i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
