Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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