We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
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He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
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Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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