So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
