I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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