I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I don't deserve a penis
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
