Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
