At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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