when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
