how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I'm having to shit out rocks
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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