Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
