i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
