I just pynch a tree in the face
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
