Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
