Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
