my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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