I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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