i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
