I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
My balls are so social today.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
