I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I'm like, not good at living.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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