Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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