I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Hippo gnu deer
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
