haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
