He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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