Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
