Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
