Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Randomize
