They should really pass out barf bags in church
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I know her cup size but not her name....
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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