dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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