I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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