i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
