I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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