That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
