Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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