I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
