At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Everything about him screamed your future.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
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my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
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He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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