He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
