Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
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