Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Randomize
