So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
