After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
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i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
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I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
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