Already got asked if we're dating
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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