I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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