Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
