Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
