i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
