i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
