if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
