clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
